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Most guys who want to last longer in bed look up pelvic floor exercises, discover Kegels, and immediately start squeezing those muscles like they’re trying to crush a walnut. The logic seems sound: a stronger muscle means better stamina, right?

Not exactly.

I see this play out constantly. A common mistake is doing hard Kegels every day and assuming more tension will automatically mean more control. You might build up serious pelvic floor strength, but your stamina during sex can actually get worse.

Why? Because if you spend weeks training a muscle to stay tightly clenched, you aren’t gaining control over it. You’re just teaching your body to hold tension. And tension makes ejaculatory control much more difficult.

This is why learning how to do Reverse Kegels is essential.

The actual difference between the two

A regular Kegel is exactly what it sounds like—a contraction. It’s the muscle you’d use if you had to abruptly stop peeing mid-stream. A Reverse Kegel, on the other hand, is about consciously letting that same area go completely slack.

Think about your bicep. If you walked around all day with your arm flexed as hard as possible, your arm wouldn’t be “controlled,” it would just be cramped. You need to know how to flex it, but you also need to know how to let your arm hang loose.

(Want a deeper dive into how this anatomy works? Check out our complete guide to male pelvic floor muscles here.)

How tension affects your stamina

Here is what usually happens during sex: as you get closer to the edge, your body goes into overdrive. Your breathing gets shallow, your abs lock up, and without you even realizing it, your pelvic floor starts clenching. That escalating tension pushes you faster toward the point of no return.

If you only practice regular Kegels, your default physical reaction in the heat of the moment is just going to be more squeezing. But if you’ve practiced Reverse Kegels, you can actually catch that unconscious clenching happening in real-time. You can breathe into it, and allow the muscles to drop and soften. That physical release helps you cool down, lower your arousal slightly, and keep going.

A routine that actually makes sense

You don’t need a complicated spreadsheet to figure this out. Start with the basics.

Give your pelvic floor a deliberate, gentle squeeze for about three seconds. Don’t flex your glutes or suck in your stomach; just isolate that one area. Then, let it go completely and rest for five seconds. Do that eight to ten times.

Once you’re done with the contractions, switch gears. Sit back, take a deep, slow breath into your belly, and focus entirely on letting your pelvic floor drop and soften with every inhale. You aren’t pushing like you’re on the toilet. It’s a quiet, subtle release of tension. At first, it might feel like absolutely nothing is happening. That’s normal because you’ve probably never deliberately tried to relax this muscle group before.

Putting it into practice

Being able to flex and relax on command is a massive step forward, but it’s only part of the process. Ejaculatory control is a combination of things: knowing your arousal triggers, mastering the Stop-Start method (you can read my full breakdown of the Stop-Start method here), and using diaphragmatic breathing to keep your nervous system relaxed under heavy physical stimulation.

Trying to figure out how to practice all these different techniques during actual sex can be frustrating. That is the main reason I built the Last Longer Academy. It’s designed to organize Kegels, Reverse Kegels, breathing, and arousal management into a clear, easy-to-follow routine, so you know exactly what to practice and when.

If you’re looking for a structured way to train these skills rather than guessing what to do next, you can check out the Academy right here.